This is an article in my Catholic Healing Series, where I talk about the most prevalent mental health issues of our time, who the best thinkers are, what the theory is, and how to heal the issue. If you enjoy this, feel free to check out other articles or videos!
The Issue
Over 20 Million Americans struggle with clinically significant anger. Why is it so prevalent? I believe that there are two main reasons. The first is the decay of the family. The second is that we live in a society that glamorizes anger. A few elements of anger are significant. First of all, it is a coping mechanism. Many of the people who struggle with anger issues have experienced childhood trauma. The angriest clients that I have had are males who were molested. Sometimes, women struggle with clinical levels of anger, but this is rarer than males, because males are encouraged to externalize anger. For many angry females, the anger is internalized and becomes depression instead of anger. I believe anger to be an addiction. It is something that people turn to in the same manner as pornography or drugs. Instead, I believe it to be the toughest addiction to overcome. It often is ingrained from very early times in people’s lives. Due to the way the brain functions, anger is often the first emotion that presents in a response. This makes managing anger very difficult. Another interesting fact is that anger is strongly tied to self-righteousness. Angry people feel entitled. Finally, the fundamental truth of anger is that it is tied to fear. The fear impulse triggers the amygdala in the brain into fight mode, and anger appears. This is a helpful thing to know when healing anger. As ingrained as anger can be, there is hope! That is why I am writing this article. There are practical tools for healing anger. However, I first will discuss the expert in the field.
The Thinkers
Dr. Pavel Somov, PhD struggled with anger himself. In the wake of his healing process, he developed tools that he believes are some of the most effective for healing anger. In my opinion, he succeeded! His tools are extremely effective for managing and healing anger. Somov has an edge. That said, he also has a sense of humor and a philosophical mind that make him extremely genuine and effective in sessions. Many of his tools will be mentioned below! A lot of Somov’s approach involves a clever twist on DBT, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. DBT teaches four main skills: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. Somov teaches four main skills: Mindfulness-based Impulse Control Training, Choice Awareness Training and Pattern Interruption, Symbolic Threat Inoculation, and Emotional Self-Regulation.
Healing Anger
Disclaimer: these are just some of the tools that can be used to heal Anger. This article does not constitute formal medical, mental health, psychological, or other advice. Also, I cannot guarantee healing or benefit. This entire article represents my opinions and applications of the tools, nothing more and nothing less.
Mindfulness
The most important element of Mindfulness for an angry person is a shift in mindset. Fear is what underlies anger. Angry people lie to themselves and tell themselves that anger is strength. The truth is that anger is weakness and when a person feels fear, she or he has reached the underlying emotion. Being in a state of fear is being in a state of authenticity. As a person confronts anger, it is important to journal and to track. What are triggers? What are ways that a person can build a pause into situations? How can a person disengage? These important Mindfulness steps have a big impact. In fact, I have had people master just these steps well enough to become radically different human beings.
Choice Awareness Training and Pattern Interruption
We all have patterns of behavior. For an angry person, it is important to look at patterns of behavior around anger and then to look back in life. Where did these patterns emerge? Often, they emerged when a person was younger. The anger was essential for coping or for safety and protection. It is helpful for a person to identify how her or his life has changed and her or his situation. A person likely is much safer now than when she or he was younger. Anger is a choice. How can this person choose to build in a pause and make better decisions? How can this person break the pattern of anger?
Symbolic Threat Inoculation
Symbolic Threat Inoculation involves Distress Tolerance. Anything that a person can do to put herself or himself at ease is helpful. Also, it is good to picture the anger. One can think of it as a wolf, a lion, or an attack dog. Let us put that animal on a leash. Is it necessary to take the animal off the leash? People can feel the animal coming out. Identify it, and then question its need. Is there really a threat? A threatened brain is in a state of hyperarousal—fight or flight mode. Some of the best ways to switch the off switch on that are to pray, practice muscular relaxation, and to engage in social connection.
Emotional Regulation
When it comes to emotions, it helps to somaticize (“soma” meaning of the body). Identify where an emotion is felt. What does it feel like? With anger, it often feels like heat and common places where it is felt are the head, the chest, and the gut. Why is a person feeling this emotion? Is this emotion telling a person something? Is there a good and healthy action that a person can take when calm?
Internal Family Systems
Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems can be a very helpful tool both for understanding anger and for healing it. Through the lens of the Catholic Faith, Internal Family Systems can be viewed through the Trinity, the central mystery of our Faith. The Trinity is the Father and the Son and the Love between Them is the Holy Spirit. So, the Trinity is a Family, and if we are made in the image and likeness of God, then each of us is a family made up of different parts or members. We even speak of ourselves in terms of parts. For example, I might say that part of me really wants to have ice cream but part of me says, “Don’t do it, Tom, you’re on a diet.” That’s an example of two parts of me not just having a conversation but having a disagreement. Indeed, one of the goals of Internal Family Systems is to help the parts of the self communicate better and work toward common goals. We call this goal of Internal Family Systems integration. The second goal of Internal Family Systems is the unburdening of negative emotions.
There are certain parts of the self that are foci. First, the Conscious Self is our best self. It is our logical, virtuous, reasoning self. It is the leader of the Internal Family System and like any good leader, it needs to have a good relationship with the members of the team and it needs to motivate them toward a common goal. The Wounded Self is exiled when someone is hurt, gaining it the title of “Wounded Exile.” It is carrying negative emotions. Originally, it was sent away from the Internal Family System to make difficult circumstances bearable. Finally, the Manager/Guardian moves to an extreme form to protect the Wounded Exile. It will protect the Wounded Exile, but it will do it in extreme ways that are costly. Of note in the case of anger, there is a part of the self called the Firefighter. This part of the self gets the self a sense of release when the system is overstressed. Anger, like addictions, is a Firefighter activity. The key to solving Firefighter problems is to keep the system from getting overstressed in the first place and to give the Firefighter a new, more productive job.
In the case of anger, the dialogue begins between the Conscious Self and the Manager/Guardian. What are the Concerns of the Manager/Guardian? Often, they are fear of disrespect. It is noteworthy that the underlying fear beneath anger is almost always about not being respected. What are the Strategies that the Manager/Guardian uses to keep the Wounded Exile safe? In the case of anger, Strategies often are to take a self-righteous stance and to punish aggressively. To blow things up and get high off the wrath. The solution is for Alternative Strategies to be identified for the Manager/Guardian that are more moderate. A person needs to have a balanced sense of needs meeting, asserting needs, and empowering the Conscious Self to make healthy judgments in relationship. There needs to be an embrace of discomfort as courage. Transparent Communication in relationships also is an effective Alternative Strategy.
Once the Manager/Guardian has moderated, it needs to give its permission for there to be a dialogue between the Conscious Self and Wounded Exile. What does the Wounded Exile look like? How old is she or he? What is her or his story? What emotions does she or he feel? Where does a person feel them in her or his body? Often, in the case of anger, there is a story of childhood trauma where a person feels shame, disrespect, and even threatened destruction. Once there is empathy with the Wounded Exile, once her or his story is understood, and once the negative emotions (including shame or disrespect) are identified in the body, then the person is ready to unburden. As an Internal Family Systems Informed Therapist, I have special visualizations for all of this. One thing that people can try individually is at Mass. A person can visualize her or his past life experiences getting carried up with the gifts, transubstantiated with the host, and received with the Eucharist in unburdened, integrated form.
In the case of anger, it can be helpful to identify what the needs are that the anger meets. How can the Firefighter meet those needs in healthier ways?
Conclusion
Healing from anger is transformative. Saint Peter originally cuts off the ear of Malchus when he comes to capture Christ at the beginning of the Passion Narrative. Jesus heals the ear and leaves with His captors. Why? He is showing Peter that if we live by the sword, we die by the sword. Anger feels good, but it is not good. It feels safe, but it is dangerous. Self sacrifice feels wretched, but it is good. Self sacrifice feels dangerous, but it is safe. In order to embrace this deeper spiritual reality, we need to pray to God, and to Mary who is full of Grace, for the Grace of God to have the strength of God to overcome our human nature. The only way to heal anger is to change who we are. We need to go from being someone who is wrathful to someone who embraces the self sacrifice of Christ.
Do you need help with anger? Reach out to Tom Weishaar and the Catholic Healing Institute for assistance from a specially trained professional:
www.catholichealinginstitute.com
tom@catholichealinginstitute.com
Tom Weishaar, MA LPCC CCTP-II is the Founder and CEO of the Catholic Healing Institute. He lives in Steubenville, OH with his wife and three children.
