This is an article in my Catholic Healing Series, where I talk about the most prevalent mental health issues of our time, who the best thinkers are, what the theory is, and how to heal the issue. If you enjoy this, feel free to check out other articles or videos!
The Issue
Discernment is the first issue that I am discussing in this series that is almost entirely good! What is discernment? Discernment is literally understanding the Will of God for the self. For the standard person in the world, she or he might base major life decisions on any of a number of factors. What does she or he want to do? What does she or he think is realistic? What are the constraints? But Catholics do not just make major life decisions. They discern the Will of God. There is, in fact, a process for that, and that is why I am writing this article.
The Thinkers
Father Michael Scanlan, T.O.R. was a great and holy priest. He was known for being led by the Holy Spirit, as well as for making time for others despite a busy schedule. Father Mike cared deeply about people and he cared deeply about God. He wrote expertly on a wide range of topics, which makes sense because he was a graduate of Harvard Law School. In
Let the Fire Fall, he shares how he prayed for miracles for multiple people, and his prayers were answered. Father Mike mastered discernment in his own life and went on to share it with others.
Dr. Peter Kreeft, PhD is a professor of philosophy at Boston College. He has written many works, probably most notably writings that make Aquinas’s
Summa accessible to a wider audience. He understands much about the philosophical foundations of discernment and offers great insights.
Discernment
Note: this article does not constitute medical, spiritual, mental health, or any other advice. I do not promise anything. These merely are some approaches to discernment that others and myself have found to be helpful.
Congratulations on making it this far! If you are reading this article, it is because you care about discerning the Will of God. Seek and ye will find! Knock and it will be opened to you! Unfortunately, many people do not care about the Will of God and they miss the benefits of discerning It.
Where does discernment begin? It begins in prayer. Go to God and pray this prayer, “God, I am going to go on a journey. Please open doors where You want them opened and close doors where You want them closed.”
Then, go forth and explore actively without committing to any option. A lot of people have this hope that God will speak to them directly in prayer and tell them what to do. That actually is private revelation and only happens about once in a generation. God does not intend discernment to be some direct command to us while we listen passively. Instead, discernment is a journey and it is active. Why does God set it up that way? A lot of people have a lot of different thoughts. My take is that God wants to experience an adventure with Him. Imagine
Narnia and
Lord of the Rings. Both of them are adventure stories with accompaniment from God. This is what God intends for us in discernment. Not only do we discover adventure in discernment, but God also reveals to us who He is, who we are, and what He wants us to do. We grow in the process of discernment. We learn about God. We learn about ourselves, and we learn about God’s plan for us. If God just told us what to do, we would miss out on an awful lot. Let us go on the adventure!
As we are exploring, it is important to have someone to offer confirmation or challenge. This could be a spiritual director, clergy, or loved one with a great relationship with God. It is important to share with that person what we think God is telling us in the discernment process. Does it sound like God to them? If yes, that is a good confirmation. If no, then it is time to return to prayer and exploration, looking for a deeper understanding of what God is saying at the current time.
Another helpful approach to discernment is that God speaks to us in the same pattern throughout our lives. Think of a previous discernment that went well. What was the pattern that God used to speak to you? How did you discover His Will? In all likelihood, you will be able to discover It the same way this time around.
There are a few things that should not be overlooked in discernment. First of all, it is good to use both Faith and Reason in discernment. Some people think that they need to turn their minds off in discernment and let God do the thinking for them. In fact, that is not pleasing to God. God wants us to use our intellect to discern His Will. Doing things like making pro and con lists is very helpful. Reason is good!
The foundational way that God speaks to us in discernment is through our lives. It comes from John 1. We speak to God in words and He responds with His Word, which becomes flesh and dwells among us. It becomes our lives. This is significant in that God allows signs and wonders to be part of discernment. For example, people pray the Saint Therese Novena or other novena and see if there are signs. People are welcome to do that. However, the fundamental way that God speaks to us in discernment is through our lives, and that never changes. So, if there is a sign or wonder that says a person should take some action, and our lives are telling us the opposite, we need to go with what our lives are saying. For example, if a person is considering working a job, and that person receives a rose on the ninth day of the Saint Therese Novena, but the job does not pay the person enough money to live and is not feasible in any way, the person should say no to the job. The spiritual channel is valid, but God is not the only one who operates on that channel. The devil operates on that channel, too, and he can use it to lead us astray.
Types of Discernments
Vocational Discernment (Vocation with the capital “V”). It is in finding our Vocation that our life often finds meaning. Speaking personally, my life did not feel like it began until I got married, and it really did not feel like it began until we started having children. In Vocational Discernment, people discern whether they are called to Marriage, religious life, or the consecrated lay life. One common mistake that I see is that people are not active enough in the process of exploring. For example, if a person is not sure whether she or he is called to Marriage or to the religious life, it is a great idea for that person to go on dates and to visit religious orders. As she or he does that, what is she or he feeling in her or his heart? What are people saying to her or him? Does it feel like the discernment is moving in one direction or another? When it comes to Vocation, young people sometimes say, “I’m open to Marriage or I’m open to religious life.” That actually is not a good thing to be saying. If a person is called to Marriage, religious life, or the consecrated lay life, the person should be on a mission. Vocare, the root of the word Vocation, means “to call.” God is calling people to a state in life. Imagine if God were standing in a room in your house and he said to you, “I’m here. Come here.” And then in response, you say, “I’m open to it.” And God says, “No, really, come here. I’m here and I want you to come here.” And again, you respond, “I’m open to it.” That is not a good answer to a call.
Marital Discernment occurs between two people and is its own unique discernment. Here are some important things to consider. God makes two people who are called to be married to fit together well. So, a great first question is, “Are we a good fit?” Do your personalities fit together? Another great thing to consider is, “Is the relationship healthy?” If the relationship is not healthy and you have not dated long, it probably is a good idea to end it. This has to do with my two unusual but accurate analogies for dating. One is the swimming pool model. Encouraged by romantic comedies and Instagram, two random people get together and rush into a relationship. They jump into the swimming pool of the relationship. After a while, each person realizes, “There are some things I really do not like about this person.” Also, one person usually realizes, “This other person has a lot of red flags” when it comes to mental health or other issues. But the two of you already jumped into the swimming pool! So, you are stuck trying to make it work. This is a bad dating strategy. The other model is the rummage sale model. People rummage through people who could be dating options quickly. As soon as there are issues with someone, they discard and stay free as they look for the right fit. Then, when they find someone who could be the right fit, they move ahead. This is a much better strategy than the swimming pool model. If people have dated for a while, or if they really feel like God is calling them to be together, then they may try to work out significant issues in the relationship. My recommendation is that they use the resolution of relationship issues as a key discernment point. If they can grow as a couple and resolve issues, they can get engaged. However, if they cannot, they should break up. This has to do with the fact that God is speaking to them through their relationship about whether they should be together.
Job Discernment involves vocation with a little “v.” One of the most important things when it comes to discerning what job to do is who God made you to be. That should be the starting point. Once a person understand who God made her or him to be, then it is much easier to discern what he is calling her or him to do.
The Catholic life is full of other discernments. Once a person is following the Ten Commandments and the objective rules to live by in the Faith, the Catholic life can be quite gray. There are so many different situations and decisions to make that the Church could not possibly offer guidance on all of them. Instead the Church offers guiding principles. One of the greatest of these is to be intentional. That is to say, if a person has prayed, talked things over with trusted advisors, feels a reasonable level of peace about the decision, and can provide a rationale for making a decision, then a person likely is in pretty good shape. One of the most important discernments we all make is how we can be closer to God. I am a Franciscan Marian. We call this endeavor “ongoing conversion.” It is good to go to prayer frequently, maybe even daily, to consider how we can be closer to God. It is good to pray to God for him to speak to us through our lives, and it is good to pray to God to show us any obstacles between us and Him. When He shows them to us, remember, he does not do that to shame us. He shows us obstacles so that we can remove them and He wants us to be closer to Him. I remember hearing that from Father Dave Pivonka, T.O.R. in a homily once and it has always stayed with me. It has served my clients and myself well!
Conclusion
The biggest mistake that I ever made in discernments was in not first discerning who God made me to be. I have found that when I discern who God made me to be first, it is much easier for me to discern what He is calling me to do. If you need help in a discernment process, please feel free to reach out. But regardless, please know of prayers in my Rosary and my Chaplet of Divine Mercy! May Mary, the Mother of Discernment, pray for us!
Father Michael Scanlan, T.O.R. has a great article on discernment
https://www.appleseeds.org/Scanlan_Discernment.htm
Dr. Peter Kreeft, PhD also has a great article on discernment
https://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/discernment.htm
Feel free to reach out to The Catholic Healing Institute and Tom Weishaar for assistance with discernment from an Advanced Certified Catechist.
www.catholichealinginstitute.com
